Dear Crazy Self,
Recently you've been acting like a crazy person when you reach for salad dressing. Ever since you discovered Goddess dressing you've been eating a superfluous amount of vegetables with a psychotic enthusiasm. I worry about you because you are so enamored with Goddess dressing that you get really excited about spinach. Who gets excited about spinach? I don't think you're taking advantage of all the other great salad toppings in the world, and I think you deserve to have variety in your life. While I'm very happy that you and Goddess dressing have found each other, I really think you need to take a step back and assess the situation. I understand that it's going to be difficult. Goddess dressing is available at any grocery store, and does come in a just-as-delicious Light version by Annie's.
I understand that it is good on every vegetable ever, as a sandwich condiment, with tacos, with noodles, over rice, and obviously tossed with a spinach salad. But that doesn't mean that you need it at every meal. Those tart lemony and savory tahini flavors are addictive and I really think you should seek some outside help. It's not healthy for you to make lists in your head of all the different ways to eat Goddess Dressing. You should be paying attention in accounting class, not thinking about ways to feed your addiction. You shouldn't be ogling 3 pack liters of goddess dressing on amazon because the fact that the seller is sold out throws you into such a deep depression that all you can think about is vegetables and how sad they must be without a dressing bath. I really hope you can overcome this. If not for yourself, then for me.